Suggestions, Chapter three: The devil manifests

 

Some people would wish for a good day to come, a moment of nirvana to surround them with peace and security – from all the burdens and all calamities. But some wouldn’t, as those days represent nothing but despair and frustration in the end, for them, good days are nothing but a gloat at all their fears and traumas, for them it doesn’t last long, hence, better absence than short visits.

Laila woke up pondering what she could possibly do to make Jamal block her on all social platforms, she almost had a great night with him, a great kiss for a new beginning and a warm hug after the mother-daughter eruption… She called her friends and invited them home to consult them, and meanwhile she was in the midst of a mental breakdown, she asked her friends to call him from their cellphones maybe he responds! All rejected in a kind way reminding their friend of her own worth, but she still never understood why he suddenly disappeared, maybe it was the awkward situation last night? Maybe he felt scared and overwhelmed by letting himself getting involved in such a corrupt family?

All questions had no answers, but she tried her best to stay patient that week until she meets him again in college… Then she met him in the campus, standing with his mates, trying not to be interactive when he saw Laila, and stayed the same place, He met her coldly, told her he doesn't need her help and he found a male fellow that can help him, he thanked her coldly again and left... Laila's heart was meant to be shredded by everyone, even her parents, no one dared to make her happy despite their capability...

She tried her best to satisfy others, but the only thing she could obtain was shame, guilt and despair... nothing else... the kiss she had was a short term nourishing event, a glimpse of hope that no longer ignited... the fire in her heart doused and everything became dark again…

She went to a studying cafe, got her breakfast and opened her books in silence, even her eyes were unable to cry, barren like a desert abandoned for long, and her heart became dire from the pain it conceived, nothing left to say and nothing was desired to be heard…

The first semester was as calm and light as a feather landing on the ground, only Laila’s heart was aching quietly, recognizing the pattern of a new phase – a phase that doesn’t look so promising!

Despite she was put on the list of students on scholarship in Canada, she still felt awkward about how her life might shape in the future, how every good feeling might turn into a storm, how every smile fades shortly and every pain lasts long! She heard voices, calling, not from further, but closer, very close, that she could even sense the heat hitting her ears whenever it whispers, she could feel her wisps tangling with its, its eyes side-gazing at hers and her smell, rotten like a corpse, only its face that could disturb her sleep, she was deprived from basic human needs as if she was ever cursed!

Laila’s friends came to congratulate her for her scholarship enrollment, passionately expressing how bad they’re going to miss her and telling her to cherish every detail and share as plenty photos as possible, since the giant cities with city malls were their high expectations, but this time they came without Fairouz…

Dima and Isaf were trying to sort it out so that they don’t hurt Laila,

“We had to tell you instead of you hearing it from anyone else, Fairouz isn’t coming not because she’s sick as you thought initially…”

“You made me worry, is she okay? Something bad happened and you’re trying not to ruin my mood? I’m telling you I’m used, so, please, be straightforward…” Laila said, waiting a response from her stuttering friends…

Until they collected themselves and decided to speak the truth out, “You wondered why Jamal disappeared out of nowhere, right? She was behind it, the serpent was gossiping about you and told him about the high school incident, what was worse than her being your friend and saying that, is her telling him you liked it and instigated the act, he definitely didn’t succumb to her cheap seduction but he didn’t like what he heard either, he looked pathetic when he was trying to contact you after he knew you were accepted in the scholarship!”

“She could’ve asked him out without involving me in the equation and distorting my image, she could’ve literally done that without hurting me, even if he chose her I won’t feel bad, but not this way! Did anyone else know?”

“To be honest, despite we despise Jamal as much as Fairouz right now, but I believe he didn’t tell this to a soul, he contacted Isaf first then me, he asked us to help him talk to you before you travel but we rejected and asked him to man up, no more, no less… It’s their loss, pal.”

Laila didn’t even shed tears and she prepared coffee and buttered some bread slices for them to devour, with clear disappointment on her face, she started showing her friends her new outfits she bought from her savings, and since they offered to help her packing, she accepted and they spent the night together as a farewell, before she spends two years as a stranger in another country, “I’m used.”, she says with her consoling cup of tea and podcast for the heartbroken she’s listening to at the dawn…

She received a message from Jamal saying, “Congratulations, can we meet?”

She ignored, while another message was popping up, one after another,

"Are you awake? When will you travel? I can escort you if you want..."

"There's a lot to talk about…"

She had to block him, afterwards, she looked back at her friends lying on the bed, snoring, and smiled, thinking how great it was to win such individuals in her life despite she’s most commonly unlucky…

Ignoring Jamal didn’t help the situation deescalate, it evolved it, he had to wait until the morning in front of the dorm’s gate, her friends styled her hair and empowered her as much as they could, but Jamal’s presence didn’t make it worse for her, or better…

"Hey, I know I did you so wrong, your friend..."

Laila interrupted him, "I don't care if a friend of mine said anything, you're not a drooling little baby that can be easily led, you heard her, you abandoned me, you literally blocked me a day after we kissed! Any excuse you give means nothing"

"I promise you it won't repeat, just give me a chance, it wasn't easy for me hearing all that!"

"I don't care, it doesn't revolve around any of you, I'm the one who was raped, I would never even wish this upon anyone I hate, and you're here speaking about what you guys feel regarding it! How selfish! Now, if you excuse me, I have a plane"

Jamal hugged Laila without any more word to add, "I'm sorry, please, let me compensate you",

"I wish I could offer any of you more, I lived my life trying to please others and draw their attention, but I never took care of myself properly, now, it's a new phase for me, I hope I can heal thoroughly. Maybe when we meet again, if we both changed into better versions, we could give it a chance, but I have to leave, Jamal, and I assure you, every good detail between us will be preserved and well-remembered "

Laila took her hand out of his grip gradually and left with the girls who patted her shoulder instantly...

Laila left everything behind as before hoping that this time won't be the straw that'll break the camel's back.

“I was always there for you, it’s now time for you to see the one friend that never disappointed you or let you on your own”…

She woke up to that voice, again, panting and trying to observe it in the shadows, where no one sees anything, she could see a different realm, shapes forming and people standing…

Her roommate woke up to her loud breathing, “I got enough of you, I’ll ask to change my room, you’re becoming unbearable! Try visiting a psychiatrist if you’re so insomniac like that!”

she took her blanket and left the room, still occupied, by others she can’t see, Laila called Isaf and she picked up,

“Tell me it’s snowing outside please…!!!”

Isaf enthusiastically asked, shortly noticing Laila’s expressions and turning serious in a moment, “What is it? Are you okay? Anyone bullied you?”

“Help me, Isaf…” Laila screams and starts vomiting on the floor, vomiting brown blood, Isaf lost her mind and tried to rationalize her friend to help her at least go to any nearby clinic, but Laila sooner lost her consciousness and fainted leaving the call on. Isaf sent emails to the dorm and called their hot-line but no one responded…

The roommate that came to pack her bags to move to another room found Laila, on the floor, with blood puked out of her mouth, she shivered and felt guilty for leaving her alone last night and called the emergency panicking, it appeared to be an ulcer in the stomach, she had due to severe stress, she was prescribed medications and discharged from the emergency ward…

“I’m Fabiana, call me Febie… I’m really sorry I treated you bad last night, I should’ve tried to help.”

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault I’m overstressing anyways… nice to meet you, I’m Laila.”

“You’re really different, Laila, not in a bad way of course, you just look different and pretty, you’re a migrant I suppose?”

“I am, yes, just arrived here for a scholarship.”

“Wow! You’re one of those nerds who will make everyone in the class insecure, right?”

“Maybe…”

Laila for the first time in Canada since she arrived finally exchanging smiles with someone, she had to call Isaf to comfort her after being worried all day, and then resumed her call properly with her as she was describing what she is seeing lately,

“I feel weird, Isaf, feels like there’s someone else is inside me, like I’m possessed, I never was obsessed about exorcism or paranormal stuff, but this happening to me is just indescribable! Makes me sometimes…”

“Makes you what, Laila, please?!”

“Makes me desiring death more than anything else, makes me feel like I want to be embraced by the soil and haunt those who hurt me before…”

“God forbid! What are you saying, girl? This could be simply solved by a psychiatrist’s intervening, just give it a try, you’ll be fine, but leaving yourself to die slowly isn’t acceptable, this is just a new phase for you and you will adapt, but, please, involve an expert as long as your stress always unmercifully goes to its peak like that!”

“You know very well, they’re all a bunch of con-artists doing nothing but judging you the worst way then later sugarcoat their talk with a bitter fake smile they lure you with to attend the next session. Hopefully, I’m not going back to this.”

“Laila, listen, a community will have its own parasites but that doesn’t mean it’s entirely bad, you’ll surely find someone capable of his job who will make you feel comfortable seated in front of him/her!”

“Nope, doesn’t work like that, a community full of parasites is called infested, infested communities will sooner or later lead the good ones to death.”

“Please, Laila, at least try those where you reside now, maybe they’re different, way more open…”

“Isaf, here isn’t even better, they’re colder, they left me panicking last night alone just because I panted loudly and disturbed their sleep, they’re not less hypocrite than those in our community, they’re definitely the same. I’m not surprised.”

“Please, Laila, try it, for the love of God!”

“I will see, again, I’m really sorry I made you worry”

“Before we hang up, please, promise me you’ll visit someone”

“Okay, I promise”

Laila gave an insincere promise, and hung up with her friend, then remembered to text her dad to check on him after she had a dream of him in a car crash, he responded her and told her he’s fine and didn’t even ask how she was!

Fabiana came in and invited her to a friend’s birthday, he said it’s okay to invite trusted individuals, and Fabiana was trying to fix the stance between them…

Laila accepted and decided to go to the party and late night she got a call from her mother telling her that her father is detained in the hospital after a car accident and she was worried that he could die and leave her all puzzled with no job or insurance,

“Really, mom? I never recognized how selfish you actually are! My dad might be dying right now and he’s in a crucial situation and you’re crying because you have no job? Don’t worry there’s a governmental revenue called “retirement”, you know what? You could marry another man who funds you if you want.”

She immediately adjusted her tone when her mother burst in tears even more and couldn’t arrange her breath,

“Mom, cool down, I’m sorry, he’ll be fine, sorry, I was cruel, I wonder why I blasted like that!”

Her mother decided to hang up on her letting her know that she’ll be updated either ways… and suddenly Laila felt holy, frightened and blessed at the same time, she felt powerful after having her wings broken, and in precise need for strength manifestation…

She didn’t tell Fabiana about her father’s incident, she dressed like a slut, untied her hair and decided to go to the party that way… Fabiana and her friends were feeling awkward around her, but Fabiana kept poking them in the arm thinking that Laila cares about any of their gossips, she finally met Fabiana’s boyfriend, whose birthday is on, she kissed and hugged him despite he just presented his hand to shake, Fabiana took her to introduce her to the rest, she felt extremely social but no one actually loved talking to her, they were all about festivals, makeup, sex and drugs… Typical cliché scene of a loner feeling strange among crowds, Laila’s thoughts became more itchy, more daring, as if she was breaking the remained boundaries that were making her stable, or graceful!

She approached the bar took a shot after another, until she became highly intoxicated,

“You’re the only one who came empty-handed, don’t you think you should offer him a birthday present?” the voice was echoing in her ears, until she took his hand while others including Fabiana were away and took him to a vacant room,

“I’ve been thinking, I came empty-handed, and you know, people from my community never go anywhere, empty-handed…”

She took of her clothes and made love with him, feeling shameless, hyped and told him this will be their dirty secret,

“It’s not as dirty as your roommate letting you panic until you fainted on the floor, basic human traits, she even lacks” she heard again, “There you go, shine…” it said eventually while forming a shadow right nearby the cake table, growing and shaping into another human being, full of scars and smelling rotten, “I’m proud of you, this is what you deserve, dominance, nothing can defeat you as long as you’re in power, nothing, except yourself, and I won’t let that happen as long as you stay loyal and never abandon me like they abandoned us!”

She felt shivers all over her body, she thought this was the alcohol effect, she tried to distract and getaway from that entity, “You’ve seen them all in blood last night, just like you saw your dad in a car crash, you think a person with your ability can be defeated?!”

“I won’t do it, what are you insinuating?! I won’t do it!”

“Yes, you will”…

Laila’s body became numb, she fell on the ground touching some attendees’ feet, they tried to help her stand but she tried gathering her strength and stand on her own, she was sweating, trembling, Fabiana found her and took her to the cake table to sing the birthday song and eat, but she was trying to navigate where her mind should be, then, while everyone were holding phones and recording such an event, Laila held a knife, and spoke with a different tone, “I won’t do it.”

making everyone shocked standing in silence, she held the knife in a threatening way, pointing right at their face, while her eyes went up bleeding, some thought this is a prank, others were frightened and withdrawing gradually from her, and plenty were recording clueless of what’s going on, she went out side, ran to the beach, and held the knife resisting the power that’s telling her to move it elsewhere other than her wrist, and slit her wrist causing a lethal vein cut and bleeding a puddle of blood mixing with the ocean that embraced her body before the students came and grabbed her while trying to reach out to the emergency, Laila’s fate is on the verge, either she survives, or she remains a memory for those who once loved her.