Within time, we fathom that one of our permanent allies was forever a quiet nemesis, gloating at us in silence, loathing every breath we exhale,
and dragging us into the furthest depths, where no scream can shatter glass, but only able to shatter our hearts, it drags us deep into a void, where you no longer recognize yourself anymore, maybe, you should’ve given up that cursed friendship, maybe, it’s all your fault; the fault of becoming a maimed version of yourself, or… Maybe, you should try sticking to the walls where your sorrow sink, and climb up your veins until you reach the summit, on which you can see the bigger picture and finally, escape…
Everyone panicked at the birthday party witnessing Laila slitting her wrists, and soaking in her blood onto the shore, the ambulance picked her up and the paramedics were trying to control the mess in which they saw students vomiting and others recording, then left with Laila combating a fatal destiny, wondering why a teenage girl like her did what she did!
The blood was uncontrollably leaking from the towels wrapped on her wrists, she was losing a lot of blood, and meanwhile the emergency department were entirely battling with such a hopeless case, Laila was reminiscing some fragments of memories, of which, the first bicycle she had, the first diary book, her dead brother, her father’s car crash, and her first kiss with Jamal, short memories were redundantly exposing before her eyes, some of them were true, and some weren’t, the only way she could fix this wasn’t to die, all the suffer she had encountered, could have never been solved by death, sometimes, sorrow blind us from other truths and show us only one, making this only truth the focal point of our lives, without it, we don’t survive.
Laila’s mentors in college were informed about the blood loss and that she is in a crucial stance, they were demanded by the entire medical ward to disseminate this within her studying hub, including teachers if possible to donate…
A lot responded positively and tried to help, and some were just using her as a trend, especially Fabiana who pretended she was her best friend and they were together all the time, the students were trying to take advantage of Laila’s suffer to spark in their first year and hopefully all that was recorded on social media apps and never deleted due to lack of threat.
Time surprises us with its messages, warnings, like a raven calling out the rest of the swarm when there’s an intruder or a traitor approaching… The sorrow was her traitor, that shadow was her enemy and shall she win the battle rather than dying a martyr.
She opened her eyes, unconscious of what’s surrounding her, the room was empty, she took a look around, nothing was there, not even that shadow; not entirely, only a fading silhouette furthering gradually and muted. She rang the button to summon a nurse,
and as the nurse was coming her brother also entered, and sat on the chair nearby her, distracting her from the nurse’s speech,
the nurse noticed an inability of talking but Laila’s vitality was sufficiently stable, but she still called the doctor to inform him and they both entered her room, him and a psychiatrist, evaluating her case, Laila’s tongue was heavy and her wrists were tingling, she started to mutter some words,
“Sit-tting”
“He’s here”
“yes, we’re here for you, miss, Laila, it’s okay now, you’re safe” the psychiatrist says putting his hand over hers,
“You’re sitting on my brother” Laila says, storming a laugh in the room, except from the psychiatrist,
He asked everyone to leave him solely with her,
for him, he had to distinguish if this is the sedation’s effect or visions she sees,
“Laila, look at me, you said someone was on the chair here before me?”
the doctor asks,
Laila just nodded,
he stepped off his chair,
“does he still exist?”
she nodded,
“Who is him, Laila?”
“My… dead brother”
Laila felt a heart squeeze when she uttered this loudly, as she was always in denial from what’s happening to her,
The psychiatrist signed her up to his patient list, and informed her and the mentors about her appointments, she hardly spoke any words afterwards, and after she was discharged from the hospital she held her phone with her trembling hand, checking the missed calls and messages, acknowledging that her father also survived the car crash, and there was a message from Jamal, stipulating,
“I need to talk to you”, she ignored him and only responded to her close friends and mother, letting them know nothing about what happened to her…
Fabiana was silent, looking at her with hesitation, and suspicion,
“Come on, Fabiana! Just say it… yes, I slept with your boyfriend on his birthday, I did the worst things you could never imagine, and I punished myself enough for it, now, satisfied, are you gloating at me? I would understand.”
“Why did you do it? Is it because of me? Is it because I’ve been cruel to you? I fixed it, I tried to fix it, so why?”
“Fabiana, don’t try that tone with me, please, here…”
Laila lifted up her sleeves and showed her her both wrists scarred from the elbow to the palm,
“Again, I punished myself, it could’ve been worse, I wanted it to be worse, but unfortunately I survived, now, could you please leave me alone? I have no intentions of neither taking your boyfriend, nor avenging myself…”
She withdrew from the conversation as equally as Fabiana who felt disgusted and shocked from the shape of Laila’s wrists, she said she will change her room for best and another had to replace her, she was more caring and less judgmental but she definitely had her own world, she wasn’t much of a sharing girl, just good mornings and good nights and if you need me wake me up…
The day has come and Laila had to confront crowds at the auditorium, where both teachers and students were observing her, some with sympathy and some with fear,
she got seated, and the professor started to direct everyone’s attention at the board, and one of the students played the video of Laila during the incident labeling it “The exorcist 3” making fun of her, hence plenty of students burst a laugh, professor, Alberto took the lead and paused his lecture to handle situation, he said in the microphone that whoever got the video, shared it and played it will be sued according to the law, causing fright in the students’ hearts, while some of them were stubborn, Laila left the auditorium and the professor chased after her,
“You can’t handle everything by running away, Laila!” he said while he is two steps further from her, he caught her arm, and stopped her,
“it’s okay, you have the right to sue all of them if you want due to defamation, but leaving everything behind doesn’t make the situation any better, you gave the bullies what they wanted, they wanted to hunt you to show dominance and you gave them such a moment, you’re a victim not guilty of any charge, the reason why you should own vigor and not hide.”
“What vigor? I literally have no idea why I’m still alive until now!” Laila said while crouching on the floor crying…
“Hey, look at me, we all exist for a reason, maybe you fed a bird or two that nobody else would feed and they could’ve died, maybe you’re the reason why a particular technology might exist one day, you’re on a scholarship for being a brilliant student, you never know…”
“And maybe I’m just nothing, maybe nothing of all that.”
“You’re absolutely wrong, hardships make champions…”
“Champions could be martyred, not all of them are alive…” she said and left prof. Alberto behind pondering deeply into her words, then he chased again after her,
“and you survived, this itself, is a reason, an alarm that life has given you, another chance of a better life”
She stopped, her tears were covering her pale face, she looked him in the eyes, and just left…
prof. Alberto strictly push charges against the entire classmates, and the and the college committee has positively responded threatening all colleagues with a year of suspension, if there are no more charges pushed against them civilly, the teachers sided with the professor and condemned the students for harassing their fellow student and majority of the students were responsive, hence, deleted the video.
Laila came next week totally neglected by everyone, on purpose, since everyone almost got suspended for her, but Fabiana had to invoke the whole thrills again, recording herself and Laila confessing that she slept with her ex-boyfriend,
“Ladies and gentlemen, the very victim, Laila, whatever the rest of her middle eastern corny name, I was trying to be a good friend of her while she back-stabbed me by sleeping with my ex-boyfriend, she had to make sure I was punished for leaving her unintentionally during one of her seizures without helping one day, do I deserve being treated like that? I was the one who invited her to the party, and I was the first to be betrayed, I was trying to help her blend in and the first thing she did was sleeping with Wagner! I don’t know how you’re still depicting yourself as a victim, sweetheart! Let us know, teach us, how do you manage to destroy people’s lives and just become the victim of the year?!”
Fabiana has shocked the audiences before one of them stepped out and started a triplet conversation,
“Tell me Laila, how long have you been a friend of Fabiana?”
Fabiana interrupted, “Why is this necessary exactly?”
“It is, just wait for it, answer me Laila, it’s okay, I’m not judging, I’m just curious about something”
“We have never been friends” Laila answered waiting the response of her roommate, “Madiha” who is also a middle eastern student on a scholarship and they chose her especially to be a roommate with Laila maybe that could be somehow part of empowerment,
Fabiana gasped, “You, favor denial!”
she said to Laila, before Madiha interfered again,
“You have been posting videos on social media about how devastated you are regarding Laila’s suicide incident, you were trying to just take advantage of her because the event was trending, you’re low, Fabiana, and here is the thing, we both are middle eastern but we’re here on a scholarship, while someone like you is just busy spreading rumors and causing drama, we’re working hard to do something essential for the community, including yours.”
“Don’t try to flip this into a racism case, she betrayed me after all and this is a business we both should manage together. I didn’t ask for an assist, neither she did, she’s not mute.”
“she’s not mute, and I’m not either, if you wanted this to be just between you both, you could’ve not included us crowds here, but you preferred causing a scene, so, you can’t control if any of us has a comment or two, now let me ask you another question, have you done the same thing with your ex-boyfriends or you’re just using Laila as a prey in your story?” she courageously said, looking around and then forwarding another question to the audiences, “Have you ever seen this lady talking the same way to her ex-boyfriend who also did this consensually?”
she all denied, madiha looked back at Fabiana,
“You’re just an attention whore, and a predator, Laila did you wrong, we all agree, but we all can see she’s unstable and struggling with stuff in her life, you tried to use that against her, let us all hear the entire record, Fabiana, what did she say?”
Fabiana put her phone back in her bag but Madiha strongly held her hand in her grip demanding her to play the entire record for the audiences,
the audiences also insisted,
and the rest of the record was Laila showing her wrists to her,
“I kindly ask you, Laila, to show us both your wrists, there is nothing to be ashamed of, we all have things we ache about, it’s all up to you…”
Laila lifted her sleeves up for the second time and showed the crowds how her both wrists looked, “Here guys, this is what our colleague thinks is her punishment, don’t you think this is too much? I mean, look at your healthy looking arms and look at her here, there is no need for any escalation, and Fabiana, you just lost a boyfriend but not your life, in spite, you still wanted to escalate the situation knowing that there is a person among us who is very suicidal and could literally take her own life again. That speaks volumes of you, you’re not a victim mourning her separation with her exboyfriend anymore, you’re a predator.”
Madiha left and so did the students, Laila also left Fabiana silently, she found Madiha waiting her outside her classroom with food and coffee,
“Here, you should compensate with supplements too, you lost a lot of blood, look, tonight we can talk properly because I wasted enough time and dismissed my classes, I’m a law student, I take lectures on room 7, the fifth floor, in case you need me, see you tonight.”
Nothing could draw a warm smile on Laila’s face like that in a while,
professor Alberto came closer while she was devouring her meal,
“I heard the entire conversation, I think she makes a great friend even though she looks like a loner from far away.”
“I think that too, I’m really sorry for leaving you behind that day, I should’ve reacted less rude, or not rude at all”
“It’s okay, no judgments, young lady, I’m still worried about you, so I’d be grateful if you keep in touch, let me show you where my office is so you can visit whenever you need me.”
Alberto took Laila up to his office and asked her to stay for a short talk, until she finishes her food,
“Do you wanna speak about anything?” Alberto asked,
“You look young, how old are you?”
“That’s what you’re wondering about? I’m 31, PHD holder, I know I look young but maybe, I was a brilliant student one day, just like someone”
He insinuated to Laila, triggering another charming smile out of her,
“Do you think I could ever be a PHD holder?” she asked,
“Well, it depends, if you want it, of course you can do it, do you want to be a teacher in college?”
“I don’t know yet, but studying has been my own distraction from my agony, maybe it’s the only thing I’m good at.”
“I don’t think so, but let’s unravel this step by step, do you wanna talk about what happened in the birthday?”
“which part of it? The part where I slept with Fabiana’s boyfriend, or the part where I had those?”
She showed him her scars leaving him with chills,
“all of it, if you only will of course”
“Will you believe me? and treat me like a normal person or like a crazy one?”
“I sure will believe me, and indeed, you’re a normal person with just scars, like the rest of us, I haven’t told you my story yet, that’s all”
“I see things, things before they happen, people who might have existed or never did… until I can’t distinguish the reality from the contrary”
“Things before they happen, you mean in your dreams?”
“Yes, I saw gestures about my dad’s affair, and they were real, I saw gestures about his car crash and they were also real, something like a prophecy… When I was in the birthday, it wasn’t me who was speaking, it felt like another different entity inside of me taking control.”
“Have you ever discussed this with someone?”
“see! I kindly asked you not to treat me like a crazy person”
“and I assured you, I’m not, this is a normal question, Laila, it’s not a shame to include a counselor in your life, unless you consider someone like me lunatic for choosing that path!”
“No, sorry, that’s not what I meant”
“Claim it, Laila, you meant it, and that’s okay, I know your intentions weren’t sinister, claim your points and defend them, you had bad experiences with psychiatrist before, right?”
“I did, I was… Ra, “
“Raped?”
“Hey, hey, cool down, it wasn’t your fault, I wasn’t intending to shame you”
Alberto held Laila’s hand and soothingly said, “They shamed you?”
“All of them, not a single soul spared me!” she yelled while squeezing her hands of stress,
“Well, I know this might sound weird, but do you feel like you need a hug? If I hugged you will you cool down?” he said hesitating,
she nodded,
and then he approached her with his wide warm arms, letting her cry as much as she needed,
then recommended, “Regarding your dreams, I welcome you to send me in a text message whenever you need, and I will help you understand, and I will wonder with you in case they become true, a tiny secret!!! I’m also a visual person and I see a lot of dreams, maybe you could help me understand mine too?”
Laila accepted the offer and decided to attend classes on time, and meet Alberto as well as the psychiatrist on time to help reclaim what she missed in the previous days after the incident.
Maybe a word, a hug, a message, a gaze could be a chamber, where peace lingers, where new chances ascend!
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